Okay so...spiritual thought of the week :) for me at least . You know at first I was really really confused about why I felt the Lord had told me to move out there now if it wasn't going to work out, but I think I may understand that a little better now. At first I was starting to doubt if I really received that revelation from the Lord or if I had just thought I had. A friend wrote me and brought up the story of Zion's camp. I'm sure you are familiar with that story so I won't go into detail here. If you aren't familiar with it just read Doctrine and Covenants sections 103 (where they get revelation to start Zion's camp) and 105 (where Joseph Smith receives revelation to turn back. They aren't ready to fight at that time.) as well. A lot of the people who were obedient through the trial of Zion's camp were blessed and about 80 of those good people later held leadership positions in the church. Now I'm not comparing myself to that, I don't think I'm THAT worthy. I just think I went there, did what I was supposed to, and maybe I was told to move there because that is what would get me there. I met a lot of great people, yourself included :) and I got to hang out with my best friend before I left.

I felt very much at peace with my decision to come back to Utah even though it kind of sucked that I went out there and things didn't work out like I planned. I learned a lot out there and I feel like I grew up quite a bit, which was good for me. I feel like everything in our lives happens for a reason. There are lessons to learn, growing up to take place, and sometimes you need to step into the dark and do some wrong before you realize that is not the way you wish to live your life.

I've had all of those happen to me. My father passed away when I was 9 and a half and that experience has lead to blessings, learning, and growing, even though it was super hard and still is at times. A few years after that I found myself not liking the church very much anymore. I made excuses not to go to church and slowly but surely I began to forget just how amazing the gospel is and how much joy it can bring to your life.

I got into some things I am not proud of and won't do again though I am still tempted by them a lot. I cannot and will not give in to those things anymore. However, I have come to realize that hating yourself for doing things in the past makes you miserable in the now. I also came to the realization that I needed to go through all of that and find my own testimony for myself instead of having it handed to me from birth.

A very good friend brought me back into the gospel and I will forever be grateful to her for that. Another great friend (my best friend) has helped me, supported me, kept me in the gospel, helped me feel better about myself, and eventually forgive myself for what I had done. What I’m saying is, though some people do wrong and stray from the gospel or never had it to begin with the way they have been acting will be hard to overcome and doesn’t happen overnight. But at the same time it isn’t good to live your life hating yourself for those past choices and decisions. Realize that you messed up and move on. Do not forget what you learned from those experiences, but let go of those feelings of regret and inadequacy because that is what will hold you back. Your experiences, good or bad, make you the person that you are today. I’d like to think that I’m a lot better off now than I was. I’m so grateful to good friends and the gospel for my happiness. I just needed to tell someone all of that and what I’ve learned. I have a harder time forgetting what I’ve learned when I tell someone about them. So thanks for reading. I hope this wasn’t too boring for you.

:DDDDDDDDDD

BUCKET LIST! CHECK SOME THINGS OFF FOR ME!

So that surprise today...WAS THE BEACH! :DDDDDDDDDD

I had the most fun I have had in a dang long time today! Oh man...it was a great day. I felt like a little kid again. It was loads of fun. Going to the beach was on my bucket list. Hence the excitement in my first line there. I got to spend my time at the beach with my best friend and some new friends I made out here in Florida.

By the way...sand squishing beneath my toes makes me smile and makes me feel like a little kid inside :D

Anyways i'm pretty tired and worn out from all the fun. So good night. Sleep tight.

Random, FUN, sad...

So...I have decided to change my blog template because the other one was boring lol. I also decided that I will change it periodically based on when I get bored of the design or how I am feeling at a given time.

Also, I'M SO EXCITED FOR TODAY! I'm gonna have awesome amounts of fun with my best friend. I don't know what we're doing for sure because it's a surprise. But I AM sure that it will be heaps and heaps of fun in teh sun :D

I will be coming back to Utah next week. I don't really wanna leave this beautiful place. I have made some good friends here too. STAY IN TOUCH DANG IT. Lol anyway I suppose what's meant for me next is not here at the moment. I will keep trusting in the Lord. That's all for now I think :) I'm gonna go upstairs now and get ready for my awesome day :D SEE YA

Big news kids! So listen up ya hear?

So here's some big news. I'm coming back to stay with my mom. I don't really know why I was supposed to come here. I do still feel like the Lord wanted me to come here. But things are not working out how I thought they would. Maybe I was just supposed to come here to make a few friends and leave. I have no idea. But it felt right and feels right that I came. If it was that I moved here to meet people, I spent a heck of a lot of money for a few friends.

As I mentioned things are not going so well here. I am having no luck whatsoever with a job. The mother of the family I'm staying with seems to think that it's because of the oil spill. It's affecting a lot of business out here right now. I am also finding that I am running out of money and therefore cannot move anywhere on my own. The family I'm staying with also changed their mind about letting me stay with them longer. They want me to leave by next Thursday.

So yes, at this point I feel that I will be coming home. I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to learn from all of this. I guess I'll see sometime down the road. That seems to happen with most trials in my life. Maybe it's just to build me and make me stronger. Workin toward that future hubby lol.

I have learned a few things here that I will not forget though. I've also experienced a lot. See ya 'round.

The Precious Few

Alrighty well, the title up there is what I would like to be known as if I ever were to become famous for my music. Not that I am counting on that to support me lol. I just thought I would let you know that. Oh and I am thinking about putting some stuff on itunes. I know I've said that before but maybe I'll actually do it now. We'll see what happens.

Also, just another topic I wanted to hit on. I am pretty sure that I am not the only girl who thinks about when they will meet Mr. Right. For those of you who already have Mr. Right you should consider yourselves lucky. I occasionally find myself in want of a family. Today was one of those days. One days like this I wonder what they will be like and when my family will come. I used to get jealous of others for having this already. I used to feel bitter that I didn't have anyone yet. I've grown a lot recently. I am finally beginning to see some of the growth that has long been in progress. I'm not the same person I was even a few days ago. Maybe this is why I haven't met Mr. Right yet. I don't think that I was ready. I need to keep myself where I should be and keep doing the things that I should do. When I am ready things will happen and not before.

I realize that I still have to grow into the kind of person that will make a good friend, wife, and mother. So I will keep doing that. I won't worry about all the time it may take for this to happen. On days like this, when I want a husband, I want a little precious baby to hold, I think of my future family and what they will be like. I am not bitter anymore though. I pray that I may ready myself for them. On days like today when I am bored and thinking about these things I pray that my future husband is readying himself as well. I also pray that, wherever he is, whatever he is doing, my future husband will be having a good day.