Okay so...spiritual thought of the week :) for me at least . You know at first I was really really confused about why I felt the Lord had told me to move out there now if it wasn't going to work out, but I think I may understand that a little better now. At first I was starting to doubt if I really received that revelation from the Lord or if I had just thought I had. A friend wrote me and brought up the story of Zion's camp. I'm sure you are familiar with that story so I won't go into detail here. If you aren't familiar with it just read Doctrine and Covenants sections 103 (where they get revelation to start Zion's camp) and 105 (where Joseph Smith receives revelation to turn back. They aren't ready to fight at that time.) as well. A lot of the people who were obedient through the trial of Zion's camp were blessed and about 80 of those good people later held leadership positions in the church. Now I'm not comparing myself to that, I don't think I'm THAT worthy. I just think I went there, did what I was supposed to, and maybe I was told to move there because that is what would get me there. I met a lot of great people, yourself included :) and I got to hang out with my best friend before I left.

I felt very much at peace with my decision to come back to Utah even though it kind of sucked that I went out there and things didn't work out like I planned. I learned a lot out there and I feel like I grew up quite a bit, which was good for me. I feel like everything in our lives happens for a reason. There are lessons to learn, growing up to take place, and sometimes you need to step into the dark and do some wrong before you realize that is not the way you wish to live your life.

I've had all of those happen to me. My father passed away when I was 9 and a half and that experience has lead to blessings, learning, and growing, even though it was super hard and still is at times. A few years after that I found myself not liking the church very much anymore. I made excuses not to go to church and slowly but surely I began to forget just how amazing the gospel is and how much joy it can bring to your life.

I got into some things I am not proud of and won't do again though I am still tempted by them a lot. I cannot and will not give in to those things anymore. However, I have come to realize that hating yourself for doing things in the past makes you miserable in the now. I also came to the realization that I needed to go through all of that and find my own testimony for myself instead of having it handed to me from birth.

A very good friend brought me back into the gospel and I will forever be grateful to her for that. Another great friend (my best friend) has helped me, supported me, kept me in the gospel, helped me feel better about myself, and eventually forgive myself for what I had done. What I’m saying is, though some people do wrong and stray from the gospel or never had it to begin with the way they have been acting will be hard to overcome and doesn’t happen overnight. But at the same time it isn’t good to live your life hating yourself for those past choices and decisions. Realize that you messed up and move on. Do not forget what you learned from those experiences, but let go of those feelings of regret and inadequacy because that is what will hold you back. Your experiences, good or bad, make you the person that you are today. I’d like to think that I’m a lot better off now than I was. I’m so grateful to good friends and the gospel for my happiness. I just needed to tell someone all of that and what I’ve learned. I have a harder time forgetting what I’ve learned when I tell someone about them. So thanks for reading. I hope this wasn’t too boring for you.